Black and White vs. Color (Fashion Blog Post)

I don't feel like I'm good enough for my husband.

I felt the worst when we first became serious. It took him only one date to make a commitment. Couldn't understand what appealed to him so much: he's great; I'm so-so; and that's fact. People closest to us, however, seemed to think that we fit so right together. 

"You are perfect for each other," his mom confessed after seeing us together for the first time. But even with my future mother-in-law's approval, I still felt self-conscious.

It's not self-deprecation talking; it's what I had to measure up to: his ex.

I'll call her Miss X. She's the Epitome of Success!

First off, she came from scholarly prestige: her Father triple-majored at ... where else? ... Harvard. He was also a Rhodes Scholar. Her Mother graduated from ... where else? ... Yale. Her uncle wrote books that sold well. If you watch the History Chanel, you've probably seen him. Her siblings work on Wall Street. They make a lot of money. Her Grandmother built an empire. Her Great Uncle did too.

You get the picture.

And the girl herself. Oh my God. 

Studying Biochemical Engineering wasn't enough, she had to get a Ph.D. But that wasn't enough either. She continued with a postdoc. All of her titles have an ivy league badge attached, by the way. Now, she's researching a cure for cancer.

Not only is she smart, she's going to save mankind!

A smart girl like her must be unattractive, right?

...Annnnnnd I saw her picture: perfect skin and pretty smile and petite frame, all dressed in sleek Burberry.

I hate her. (I'm kidding.) I don't hate her. I don't know her. I just wish she'd burst into flame. (Okay, I'm kidding again.)

I don't blame her. With a family like hers, she was going to become successful whether she liked it or not. Her path is clear-cut; her world is black-and-white. Perhaps that's why my husband liked her in the first place--because she's good on paper, and such a clear choice.

So I wonder why, after four-something years of being with a person like her, my husband would be into a two-bit loser like me? Next to her, I might as well be a doped-up meth addict.

But his mother told me, "you add 'color' to his life."

Great. She will cure cancer, and I'm a fun girl.

As I heard more stories about the perfect Miss X, though, I realized what those people meant.

When she invited my husband to wine-and-cheese parties at work, she left him alone in a corner to socialize with elitist colleagues. She criticized his cooking after he slaved for hours in the kitchen on a work day.

She threw big words and sophisticated jargon at his mom's face, knowing very well that his mom had absolutely no idea what her research entailed.

My husband's mom was no dummie, by the way. She was a director-level manager at a large telecommunications company, and one of the only female engineers involved in building the first fiber optics ring in the New York area. Yet there she was, patronized by a 20-something girl, more obsessed about herself than curing cancer.

I knew my place with my mother-in-law right away.

She gave birth to and raised my husband. Even if I was the Queen of England, I am below her. I owe her.

And to appreciate my understanding of her place above mine, my mother-in-law followed girl-code by complimenting me for adding color.

"Color" as in more than just a fun girl--as in I made her son happy.

Believe it or not, belittlement leads to resentment.

Miss X contacted my husband a few years ago, and asked for him back.

 

He respectfully declined.

 

She has a successful career; I have my husband; and that's fact.

 

I hope she does well in life. I hope she finds a cure for cancer.

 

I also hope that she finds someone colorful to complement her black-and-white.

 

Thanks for reading. Good night.